Saturday, December 20, 2008
Goldilocks, Dorothy, and church hunting
So, its been almost 2 months in my grand church hunt. As, I begin to summarize my options in discusison with friends, I begin to feel like I'm recounting familiar childhood stories. As I first started the grand search I attended worship with church communities fairly close to home and my debriefs after those visits could be confused with Goldilocks' visit to the 3 bears home. I found my self saying - it was just too big, the music just wasn't quite right, it was too small, and so on and so forth. I didn't like that those were my sentiments, but couldn't get past them either. So, then I ventured out a little further from home to some church families with whom friends are acquainted. These visits have given a much better idea of leading to my new church family, more like Dorothy traveiling throught OZ finally to realize there's no place like home. The 2 churches I'm feeling most connected to are ones that I had been previously connected with in some way. One I was actually a part of previously and seems to be floating to the top, it really seems like people care I'm there. The church and I have both changed a lot in our time apart, but it seems like real growth. They're really investing in a specific community and seeing some moving results. The other church has several friends as part of it and also works to reach out. I'm down to figuring out which has a small group structure that calls to me more. I think the new year will surely reveal a church with which I can connect.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Changing Course
A little over 10 years ago, I came to spend a summer in Maryland to help out a new church, well as most of you know that lead to me moving to Maryland almost 9.5 years ago to be a part of that church. My faith journey since then has been about being part of church plants in Maryland. Its been a great time of learning more about God, myself, people, and all the relationships that connect them. There have been joys greater than I could have imagined as well as defining struggles and sorrows. Its definitely been a wild ride and one that has left me with friends who will forever be part of my journey.
This is also a sad time, tonight marked the last gathering of the last remaining house church from the network of house churches some dear friends and I started a little over 6 years ago. It was totally God though, all of the remaining 5 of us have been sensing for a variety of reasons that we were no longer really being church and that we should pursue other church communities. So, a night that had you asked me how it would of go, I would have thought of many tears and complete sadness. Though it was a somber discussion and departure, there was also a sense of peace and unity, a much needed confirmation from God that it was time to end.
We still have a few discussions to have with those who have supported over the years as well as among ourselves concerning the logistics to "officially disband," so those will happen over the coming weeks.
For now I'm thankful for the opportunity to have been part of a simple authentic church for this long and for the courage, honesty, and faithfulness of this group of friends to realize we were no longer being church, so the time has come to move on to the next phase of our faith journeys.
No, I'm not leaving Maryland, considered that a few years ago, but I'm confident that this is where I still need to be. So the change in course... seeking a new church. This is somewhat uncharted territory for me, sure I hunted for a church when I went to college, but I remained connected to and loved by the church I grew up in. So for the first time in my life I find myself without a church. So, yes a scary and exciting time ahead as I seek the people with whom God is calling me to build community, serve along side, and grow closer to Him.
This is also a sad time, tonight marked the last gathering of the last remaining house church from the network of house churches some dear friends and I started a little over 6 years ago. It was totally God though, all of the remaining 5 of us have been sensing for a variety of reasons that we were no longer really being church and that we should pursue other church communities. So, a night that had you asked me how it would of go, I would have thought of many tears and complete sadness. Though it was a somber discussion and departure, there was also a sense of peace and unity, a much needed confirmation from God that it was time to end.
We still have a few discussions to have with those who have supported over the years as well as among ourselves concerning the logistics to "officially disband," so those will happen over the coming weeks.
For now I'm thankful for the opportunity to have been part of a simple authentic church for this long and for the courage, honesty, and faithfulness of this group of friends to realize we were no longer being church, so the time has come to move on to the next phase of our faith journeys.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Perspective
I finished reading "The Shack" a few weeks ago and it has left me pondering many things - God's love and our perspective clouding our relationship with God and others being 2 of the big topics.
I don't think I can address the Love topic here without giving away more of the book than I probably should, so I'll save that for conversations with others who have read the book.
As for perspective, probably a bit of minor topic in the book, but one that life events have brought it to the forefront of my thoughts. The Shack suggests that the main character has some struggles because of his perceived reality. So if we all have a perceived reality, then what happens when our perceptions aren't in line with others sharing our reality?
I was talking with some friends tonight about a joint adventure of which 40% of us have one perspective and 60% have another. These perspectives greatly affect the direction of our adventure and are not complementary perspectives. I know our general rules of groups say the 60% rule, but how do you manage the disappointment of the 40%? (No I'm not talking about the upcoming election, but the same questions probably apply to our nation for that case - possibly with a less obvious majority)
Theses differing perspectives have been emerging for some time, but were failed to be confronted or shared in an attempt to spare one another's feelings... the result a whole lot of awkwardness and anxiety over confronting the need to embark on different adventures
So, can communication in relationships keep the difference in our perceived realities to a minimum?
I don't think I can address the Love topic here without giving away more of the book than I probably should, so I'll save that for conversations with others who have read the book.
As for perspective, probably a bit of minor topic in the book, but one that life events have brought it to the forefront of my thoughts. The Shack suggests that the main character has some struggles because of his perceived reality. So if we all have a perceived reality, then what happens when our perceptions aren't in line with others sharing our reality?
I was talking with some friends tonight about a joint adventure of which 40% of us have one perspective and 60% have another. These perspectives greatly affect the direction of our adventure and are not complementary perspectives. I know our general rules of groups say the 60% rule, but how do you manage the disappointment of the 40%? (No I'm not talking about the upcoming election, but the same questions probably apply to our nation for that case - possibly with a less obvious majority)
Theses differing perspectives have been emerging for some time, but were failed to be confronted or shared in an attempt to spare one another's feelings... the result a whole lot of awkwardness and anxiety over confronting the need to embark on different adventures
So, can communication in relationships keep the difference in our perceived realities to a minimum?
Saturday, October 4, 2008
"Hearing" from God
I was reading Young's "The Shack" earlier today and a concept he introduces really grabbed me. I'm still reading, so this isn't about my overall opinion on the book, just the concept of how God communicates with us. The main character receives a note in the mailbox that appears to possible be sent to him from God, so the concept of whether or not God does send paper mail comes into the discussion. In the midst of the discussion, Young suggests that in modern religious expressions we've been taught to believe that God only communicates to us through scripture and maybe the occasional thought we get.
I guess I've actually been toying with this concept over the past few weeks, but it was articulates so well in this fictional story. Did God ever tell us that he no longer speaks to us as he did to His children that came long before us? or did some human decide that God no longer communicates in ways of Bible times and thus its become part of our basic beliefs?
Sure I know God has guided me as I've been studying scripture, and there's been the favorite of modern day evangelicals open and closed doors, and there's been the occasional waking from a solid sleep w/ a heavy burden for a friend. But are there messages that I've received that I've brushed off as something else or missed it entirely.
Audible calls from God - Samuel's life story is one of my favorites, so as I think back to God calling him and Eli sending him back to bed. I've never heard my name without explanation in the still of the night, but could some of those times I thought I heard someone call me from a crowd - could it have been someone calling another "Kari" as I've always explained it, or could God have been calling me and I failed to recognize his voice? Or more realistically some combination of the 2...
Dreams are the subject I've been thinking most about lately, does God still speak to us through dreams? I've met a few people who claimed to have had God inspired dreams which became fodder for many chuckles and conversations of others, but were they really out to lunch. Really, let's think back - Joseph's tales of his dreams weren't exactly welcomed with encouragement from his brothers. I'm not questioning the prophetic nature of every single dream, but the ones that stand out as different from your average dream, the ones that I wake up from and think - if I didn't struggle with the mysterious nature of "deja vu", I'd think that might have been the precursor to a "deja vu" experience yet to come. In modern times it seems that concepts such as "deja vu" which could be either good or evil has been wrapped up in the "Crystal Ball toting, fortune telling, palm reading, etc." evil spirituality. No, I'm not suggesting that all of the aforementioned aren't evil, but why is it that we've decided that we need to run far away from all things that we can't explain because we've seen some impostors and some truly evil beings take advantage of other people through in those cases evil means.
Back to the subject of dreams and well to add to it prophecy. If God used prophets and dreams of every day people to speak to His people long ago, why wouldn't he do it today as well? Yes, I agree that because we have the Holy Spirit (a mysterious and spiritual concept as well) in order to be continually connected to God, so we no longer need the "holy of holies" concept of communicating with God and that's clearly told in the Easter story, but what I haven't found is where God said, "no I will no longer meet you as a blinding light in the midst of journey, or give you a glimpse of times to come in dream, or call your name out loud, etc."?
I guess I've actually been toying with this concept over the past few weeks, but it was articulates so well in this fictional story. Did God ever tell us that he no longer speaks to us as he did to His children that came long before us? or did some human decide that God no longer communicates in ways of Bible times and thus its become part of our basic beliefs?
Sure I know God has guided me as I've been studying scripture, and there's been the favorite of modern day evangelicals open and closed doors, and there's been the occasional waking from a solid sleep w/ a heavy burden for a friend. But are there messages that I've received that I've brushed off as something else or missed it entirely.
Audible calls from God - Samuel's life story is one of my favorites, so as I think back to God calling him and Eli sending him back to bed. I've never heard my name without explanation in the still of the night, but could some of those times I thought I heard someone call me from a crowd - could it have been someone calling another "Kari" as I've always explained it, or could God have been calling me and I failed to recognize his voice? Or more realistically some combination of the 2...
Dreams are the subject I've been thinking most about lately, does God still speak to us through dreams? I've met a few people who claimed to have had God inspired dreams which became fodder for many chuckles and conversations of others, but were they really out to lunch. Really, let's think back - Joseph's tales of his dreams weren't exactly welcomed with encouragement from his brothers. I'm not questioning the prophetic nature of every single dream, but the ones that stand out as different from your average dream, the ones that I wake up from and think - if I didn't struggle with the mysterious nature of "deja vu", I'd think that might have been the precursor to a "deja vu" experience yet to come. In modern times it seems that concepts such as "deja vu" which could be either good or evil has been wrapped up in the "Crystal Ball toting, fortune telling, palm reading, etc." evil spirituality. No, I'm not suggesting that all of the aforementioned aren't evil, but why is it that we've decided that we need to run far away from all things that we can't explain because we've seen some impostors and some truly evil beings take advantage of other people through in those cases evil means.
Back to the subject of dreams and well to add to it prophecy. If God used prophets and dreams of every day people to speak to His people long ago, why wouldn't he do it today as well? Yes, I agree that because we have the Holy Spirit (a mysterious and spiritual concept as well) in order to be continually connected to God, so we no longer need the "holy of holies" concept of communicating with God and that's clearly told in the Easter story, but what I haven't found is where God said, "no I will no longer meet you as a blinding light in the midst of journey, or give you a glimpse of times to come in dream, or call your name out loud, etc."?
Friday, September 26, 2008
Continually Recreating Me
So, I had taken today off for a work canoe trip, but the wind forecasts were too high for canoes to be allowed on the water - I know you'd think a bunch of meteorologists could plan better:)
Anyway, it turned into what I called in my undergrad days a "Kari Day." I slept until 9:30 - even in my single life that's a rare occurrence and then began the process of doing several of those things for me that I had been putting off. A haircut - I finally got the one that lets my "hair bounce on my shoulders when I walk" a reference from a childhood favortie move - State Fair -so it just makes me feel pretty, then it was off to the mall for a new pair of jeans and a couple of things, and the make-up counter for some more beauty fun. Well, I've been meaning to apply for a passport for a year now - and with my new do and fresh colors - I headed to the post office and finally sent off the application. Can I detour to say - its a little odd to part ways with my birth certificate (even briefly) - guess I just have to hope that I don't have to prove I'm me for the next month or so:) Finished off the day with a manicure & pedicure followed by a chic flick (complete with tears).
For the last few years, I've been thinking that I wanted to sort of recreate me and in some ways I have - or at least have become more confident in myself. The last several months have really been a picture and an acting out of all of these thoughts and changes. I've traveled alone, for work and pleasure. I've finished a degree, got a promotion, participated in leadership training, began a plan for career growth, went white water rafting - hopefully reconnecting with my adventurous side, enjoyed my city, etc., etc., etc. Finally today I took a few more steps toward the outwared expression and following through with my revelation earlier this year that its OK to pamper me on occasion. The passport - well no plans yet, but I don't want not having a passport cause me to miss the next big adventure:)
Life has been good and I have so much to be happy about, but it hasn't been without heartache as well. I know the heartaches are as much a part of who I am and who I am becoming as the joys are. My greatest realization of the last year was that I'm not married because I really wasn't ready to be - I may have thought I was, but it was something that I wanted and would figure out how to work a relationship in" if it were to show up. I'm sure I would have, but I'm thankful God didn't allow me to. Now as I've crossed completely into my 30's, I've realized a deeper desire for the person who God is preparing to make me one with. I long for this man on so many levels - Paul's words about being married because its the only solution for your desires become more relevant to me as each day passes. Its kind of a scary place to be because I still don't have that special person in my life, so I'm spending a lot of time praying for him these days. I know God will prevail, not to say that I don't shed a fair number of tears over feeling lonely and coming home to an empty house - a daily reminder of this empty place in my life and heart (no the tears aren't daily - more like monthly or less often). I also know after reflecting on how much God has changed me and given me an appreciation, longing, desire, and respect for this man before ever having been on a date with him that our relationship will be more amazing than anything I've ever imagined. I'm excited about learning who he is and us becoming us, until then well there are plenty of places to see, adventures to emabark upon, and fears to confront.
Anyway, it turned into what I called in my undergrad days a "Kari Day." I slept until 9:30 - even in my single life that's a rare occurrence and then began the process of doing several of those things for me that I had been putting off. A haircut - I finally got the one that lets my "hair bounce on my shoulders when I walk" a reference from a childhood favortie move - State Fair -so it just makes me feel pretty, then it was off to the mall for a new pair of jeans and a couple of things, and the make-up counter for some more beauty fun. Well, I've been meaning to apply for a passport for a year now - and with my new do and fresh colors - I headed to the post office and finally sent off the application. Can I detour to say - its a little odd to part ways with my birth certificate (even briefly) - guess I just have to hope that I don't have to prove I'm me for the next month or so:) Finished off the day with a manicure & pedicure followed by a chic flick (complete with tears).
For the last few years, I've been thinking that I wanted to sort of recreate me and in some ways I have - or at least have become more confident in myself. The last several months have really been a picture and an acting out of all of these thoughts and changes. I've traveled alone, for work and pleasure. I've finished a degree, got a promotion, participated in leadership training, began a plan for career growth, went white water rafting - hopefully reconnecting with my adventurous side, enjoyed my city, etc., etc., etc. Finally today I took a few more steps toward the outwared expression and following through with my revelation earlier this year that its OK to pamper me on occasion. The passport - well no plans yet, but I don't want not having a passport cause me to miss the next big adventure:)
Life has been good and I have so much to be happy about, but it hasn't been without heartache as well. I know the heartaches are as much a part of who I am and who I am becoming as the joys are. My greatest realization of the last year was that I'm not married because I really wasn't ready to be - I may have thought I was, but it was something that I wanted and would figure out how to work a relationship in" if it were to show up. I'm sure I would have, but I'm thankful God didn't allow me to. Now as I've crossed completely into my 30's, I've realized a deeper desire for the person who God is preparing to make me one with. I long for this man on so many levels - Paul's words about being married because its the only solution for your desires become more relevant to me as each day passes. Its kind of a scary place to be because I still don't have that special person in my life, so I'm spending a lot of time praying for him these days. I know God will prevail, not to say that I don't shed a fair number of tears over feeling lonely and coming home to an empty house - a daily reminder of this empty place in my life and heart (no the tears aren't daily - more like monthly or less often). I also know after reflecting on how much God has changed me and given me an appreciation, longing, desire, and respect for this man before ever having been on a date with him that our relationship will be more amazing than anything I've ever imagined. I'm excited about learning who he is and us becoming us, until then well there are plenty of places to see, adventures to emabark upon, and fears to confront.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
finding a good place
After 13 years and 13 roommates, I decided it was time to give living alone a shot. I had a couple of spans of time in the 13 years when I lived alone and hadn't enjoyed the experience. So, 3 months ago as I said goodbye to my most recent roommate and decided not to resume the search for yet another housemate, I worried mostly about not sleeping well and getting scared when I would be home alone. When I share living space its really easy to explain away things that go bump in the night as something that one of the other people in the home must be doing.
Well, I've been shocked, my initial concerns really haven't come to fruition. Sure it was a little hard to adjust to normal house noises that no one else is around to be making, but after a couple of weeks I wasn't waking up to those things or getting too spooked by them. Yeah, I do call someone to be on the phone with me as I investigate all of the closets when I've been gone a few days to make sure I don't have any unwanted guests, but that's a result of my mother's training not living alone...
Anyway, to the title of this blog, finding a good place. What I've learned in this time of living alone is that I'm a more social person than I ever thought. Its the social end of living alone that I'm not crazy about. I miss having someone to talk to in the evenings or Sat. morning. I find myself alone with my thoughts more than I ever have before (oh yeah I finished school about the same time I made the jump to no roommates, so I have more thinking time too). At first I found my thoughts a scary place - yes peanut gallery, there maybe some truth to that statement. Anyway, I'm learning not to be afraid of my thoughts though and to really appreciate myself and my friends. I know that I need to be deliberate about interacting with my friends - especially on the weekends, or I find myself depressed and not likng myself much. So, yes I agree with the old adage - "you can help yourself by helping others" or at least I'm happier when I'm doing things with other people, I believe God really made us to need one another. So, I'm finding a good place by not filling the space of my house with other people and their stuff, but by filling the space of my life with friendships.
yes, one day I'll hopefully share living space again as an extension of one of these meaningful friendships, but for now I'm enjoying the experience of being good with just me
PS - this is not to say that I've not cared for my roommates or had good relationships with them - I did and still do in most cases, but I'm learning now that we're not living together how important those dinners we shared and quick chats about how our days went were to my overall well-being
Well, I've been shocked, my initial concerns really haven't come to fruition. Sure it was a little hard to adjust to normal house noises that no one else is around to be making, but after a couple of weeks I wasn't waking up to those things or getting too spooked by them. Yeah, I do call someone to be on the phone with me as I investigate all of the closets when I've been gone a few days to make sure I don't have any unwanted guests, but that's a result of my mother's training not living alone...
Anyway, to the title of this blog, finding a good place. What I've learned in this time of living alone is that I'm a more social person than I ever thought. Its the social end of living alone that I'm not crazy about. I miss having someone to talk to in the evenings or Sat. morning. I find myself alone with my thoughts more than I ever have before (oh yeah I finished school about the same time I made the jump to no roommates, so I have more thinking time too). At first I found my thoughts a scary place - yes peanut gallery, there maybe some truth to that statement. Anyway, I'm learning not to be afraid of my thoughts though and to really appreciate myself and my friends. I know that I need to be deliberate about interacting with my friends - especially on the weekends, or I find myself depressed and not likng myself much. So, yes I agree with the old adage - "you can help yourself by helping others" or at least I'm happier when I'm doing things with other people, I believe God really made us to need one another. So, I'm finding a good place by not filling the space of my house with other people and their stuff, but by filling the space of my life with friendships.
yes, one day I'll hopefully share living space again as an extension of one of these meaningful friendships, but for now I'm enjoying the experience of being good with just me
PS - this is not to say that I've not cared for my roommates or had good relationships with them - I did and still do in most cases, but I'm learning now that we're not living together how important those dinners we shared and quick chats about how our days went were to my overall well-being
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