So, I had taken today off for a work canoe trip, but the wind forecasts were too high for canoes to be allowed on the water - I know you'd think a bunch of meteorologists could plan better:)
Anyway, it turned into what I called in my undergrad days a "Kari Day." I slept until 9:30 - even in my single life that's a rare occurrence and then began the process of doing several of those things for me that I had been putting off. A haircut - I finally got the one that lets my "hair bounce on my shoulders when I walk" a reference from a childhood favortie move - State Fair -so it just makes me feel pretty, then it was off to the mall for a new pair of jeans and a couple of things, and the make-up counter for some more beauty fun. Well, I've been meaning to apply for a passport for a year now - and with my new do and fresh colors - I headed to the post office and finally sent off the application. Can I detour to say - its a little odd to part ways with my birth certificate (even briefly) - guess I just have to hope that I don't have to prove I'm me for the next month or so:) Finished off the day with a manicure & pedicure followed by a chic flick (complete with tears).
For the last few years, I've been thinking that I wanted to sort of recreate me and in some ways I have - or at least have become more confident in myself. The last several months have really been a picture and an acting out of all of these thoughts and changes. I've traveled alone, for work and pleasure. I've finished a degree, got a promotion, participated in leadership training, began a plan for career growth, went white water rafting - hopefully reconnecting with my adventurous side, enjoyed my city, etc., etc., etc. Finally today I took a few more steps toward the outwared expression and following through with my revelation earlier this year that its OK to pamper me on occasion. The passport - well no plans yet, but I don't want not having a passport cause me to miss the next big adventure:)
Life has been good and I have so much to be happy about, but it hasn't been without heartache as well. I know the heartaches are as much a part of who I am and who I am becoming as the joys are. My greatest realization of the last year was that I'm not married because I really wasn't ready to be - I may have thought I was, but it was something that I wanted and would figure out how to work a relationship in" if it were to show up. I'm sure I would have, but I'm thankful God didn't allow me to. Now as I've crossed completely into my 30's, I've realized a deeper desire for the person who God is preparing to make me one with. I long for this man on so many levels - Paul's words about being married because its the only solution for your desires become more relevant to me as each day passes. Its kind of a scary place to be because I still don't have that special person in my life, so I'm spending a lot of time praying for him these days. I know God will prevail, not to say that I don't shed a fair number of tears over feeling lonely and coming home to an empty house - a daily reminder of this empty place in my life and heart (no the tears aren't daily - more like monthly or less often). I also know after reflecting on how much God has changed me and given me an appreciation, longing, desire, and respect for this man before ever having been on a date with him that our relationship will be more amazing than anything I've ever imagined. I'm excited about learning who he is and us becoming us, until then well there are plenty of places to see, adventures to emabark upon, and fears to confront.
